What
is attachment parenting?
By Lisa Poisso
As a philosophy
of parenting, attachment parenting almost begs off having a name
by its very definition. Also known as “instinctive parenting,”
“intuitive parenting” and “natural parenting,”
AP is fundamentally a relationship rather than a strategy, an
act rather than a style.
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“When I first
began using the term ‘attachment parenting’ nearly
20 years ago, I felt ridiculous giving a name to a style of baby
care that parents would naturally practice if they followed their
own intuition rather than listening to the advice of others,”
says William Sears, M.D., the internationally known pediatrician
who originally coined the term “attachment parenting.”
Attachment parenting
is a holistic style of parenting that emphasizes parent-child
bonding. AP allows children to move through developmental stages
at a natural pace, unhurried by modern pressures for “early
independence” or separation from their parents and family.
More and more studies are showing that AP strategies maximize
children’s neurological and emotional development.
The seven
baby B’s
Sensitive, responsive physical and emotional bonds between parents
and their babies lie at the heart of attachment parenting. Dr.
Sears cites seven basic “B’s” for parent/child
pairs just getting started:
· Birth
bonding
· Breastfeeding
· Babywearing
· Bedding close to baby
· Believing in the language value of your baby’s
cry
· Beware of baby trainers
· Balance
Respecting
children’s needs
These practices center on respecting the intense biological and
dependency needs of babies and young children. The overall effect
is one of mutual trust, respect and deep commitment. AP parents
believe that babies cry not to manipulate but to communicate intense
physical or emotional needs. By responding quickly, consistently
and compassionately, they hope to build confident, kind, emotionally
secure children who rely on people rather than things or activities
to fulfill their inner needs.
But what about
the needs of everyone else in the family? Doesn’t all this
intense attention spoil children and chain parents to years of
servitude to their babies? In a word, no. Effective AP families
are family-centered, not child-centered; they take into consideration
the needs of everyone in the family. The key to building a successful
family life is to include children rather than focusing on them,
avoiding what noted anthropologist Jean Liedloff calls “the
unhappy consequences of being child-centered.”
Early patterns
of open communication, trust and mutual respect play a vital role
in children’s development all the way through the teen years.
AP parents trust their children to pass through developmental
stages naturally, at their own paces. Older children develop emotional
stability and independence naturally, because their childhood
needs have been met.
So what
about all this other stuff?
Exploring AP resources turns up a host of other topics, some closely
related to parenting and others where the connection is not so
clear: cloth diapering, herbal and homeopathic medicine, whole
foods and vegetarianism, homeschooling and more. Most of these
areas can be categorized as “natural parenting.”
Is natural parenting
a necessary part of attached parenting? Absolutely not! Many families
who are attracted to attachment parenting are also interested
in natural, holistic lifestyles. Natural parenting strategies,
however, are not irreplaceable components of an AP repertoire.
The key to successful attachment parenting is how parents and
children actually relate—not how “crunchy granola”
their lifestyles may or may not be.
This article
originally appeared in the new magazine Momming By Heart.
Lisa Poisso has performed
in ballet and musical theatre, edited magazines, slogged through
the world of corporate communications and run a home-based writing
and editing business while raising a family. A passionate advocate
for attachment parenting and natural family living, she is the
founder and publisher of APConnect!,
Dallas/Fort Worth’s online resource for AP and natural parenting.
She writes for publications and edits for authors specializing
in the natural family, attachment parenting, vegetarian and parenting
fields.
