Caring
vs. Caring Too Much
By Susan Dunn
Definitions
Caring Being concerned about outcomes;
paying just enough attention but not too much; to feel trouble
or anxiety; to feel interest or concern; to overlook the progress
of others and projects but to have faith and confidence in other
people to look after themselves and do things well enough.
Caring too much
Being too concerned about outcomes; paying too much attention;
feeling too troubled or anxious; feeling overly concerned; not
believing other people are competent and capable and hovering
over them and transmitting your anxiety to them so they become
dysfunctional.
Comparisons
Supervising a project vs. Hovering
over the person
Being concerned about someone and interested in the outcome
vs. Worrying anxiously over someone and trying to take over
Managing vs. Controlling
Transmitting emotions of confidence and self-assurance vs. Transmitting
fear, worry and anxiety
Examples
Alice cared about the outcome of the project and made herself
available to the team for input and supervision. She had high
emotional intelligence and was flexible and creative in planning
and outcomes. She delegated easily and well. Because of this,
the team worked well and had the stamina to finish in style with
plenty of energy left over for the next project. Everyone enjoyed
working with Alice because she brought out the best in them, and
they built their self-esteem by completing successful projects.
Harry was overly concerned about
the project. He was critical and demanding of himself and others
and had low emotional intelligence. He could not be satisfied
with less than perfection and drove himself and others. He hovered
over everyone which destroyed their self-confidence, confused
them and pulled their focus away from the work. His worry caused
them to worry and undermined their self-confidence. As the "primal
leader," he transmitted his anxiety to others. Every team
and project he drove this way became cynical, insecure, exhausted
and burnt out. No one wanted to work with him or under him, and
the best people would transfer out of his department. Eventually
he was fired.
Key
point
When you become overly concerned and caring, you cross a line
into what's called an overdriven striving. You focus on it too
much and can affect your own thinking and functioning, as well
as that of others. You demand too much and usually get too little.
It's exhausting to everyone concerned.
Benefits
We are truly helpful to ourselves and to others when care enough
but not too much. It's important to have faith and confidence
in others, and give them room to breathe, grow and blossom.
Related
distinctions
Excellence vs. Perfectionism
Managing vs. Controlling
Overseeing vs. Hovering
Having faith in others vs. Having faith only in yourself
Work with a certified emotional
intelligence coach to improve your EQ skills, and you'll have
better relationships at work and at home.
© Susan Dunn
Susan
Dunn, MA, “The
EQ Coach” offers coaching, distance learning and e-books
around emotional intelligence for your continued personal and
professional development. She trains and certifies EQ coaches.
