Top 10 Ways to Keep Your Kids From Fighting
By Mark Brandenburg
Fighting among siblings is as natural
as the changing of the seasons. All parents will have to deal
with it. There are some simple things we can do to limit fighting
and make it tolerable.
1. Ignore their fighting.
Fighting is often a way for kids to get you to notice them. If
you ignore their fighting (unless weapons are involved), there
will be less incentive for them to do it.
2. Treat your kids the
same when it comes to fighting.
If you get into who started things, you may be training your kids
to be victims and bullies. Put them in the same boat and don't
take sides.
3. Give your kids positive
reinforcement when they are cooperating.
Let them know that they're doing a wonderful job when they get
along. This one's easy to forget but vitally important. Give them
attention when they're behaving the way you want.
4. Limit your own fighting
and arguing.
Your kids will learn how to be peaceful from you. Don't expect
them to do it well if you don't show them how.
5. Create an environment
of cooperation.
Do projects together as a family that involve cooperation. Talk
about how important it is for the family to cooperate. Avoid games
or activities that promote fighting in your kids.
6. Train your kids in peacemaking
when they're away from conflict.
Talk to your kids about fighting at a time when they're relaxed
and open. Ask them about what other options they might have taken
rather than to hit their sister. Help them to brainstorm better
solutions.
7. Avoid punishing your
kids in general.
Punishing kids usually just creates angry kids who are more likely
to fight. While some punishment may be inevitable, do your best
to give choices and alternatives. Punishment may bring short-term
solutions but will also bring long-term problems.
8. Control how you react
to their fighting.
When you must intervene, make sure you stay calm. If you're angry
and shaming, you actually make it more likely that fighting will
occur again.
9. Limit the number of
fighting opportunities you give your kids.
Think about what has the potential to start fights. Don't buy
a red ball and a blue ball; this may result in a fight by your
kids. Buy two red balls -- no fight. Don't put kids close to each
other when they're tired and hungry, if you can help it.
10. Love your kids for
all they're worth.
Every day, tell them you love them -- and more importantly, show
them. Kids who feel loved are the least likely to fight. This
won't eliminate it, but the alternative isn't pretty at all.
© Mark Brandenburg.
Mark Brandenburg,
MA, CPCC, CSC, is an author, speaker and certified relationship
coach. He has worked with individuals, teams and families to improve
their lives for more than 20 years.
He is the author of a number of books for men, including 25
Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers. Mark
coaches parents from around the country through weekly telephone
coaching sessions on balancing their lives and improving their
parenting. He runs workshops and gives presentations for fathers
and for parents that are enthusiastically received, as well as
teleclasses for parents at MarkBrandenburg.com.
