It’s
Not Too Late for Infant Potty Training
By Laurie Boucke
This article is for parents who start infant potty training
(IPT) when their baby is 6 months or older. Many families do
not learn about this method until their babies have passed the
first and most powerful window of opportunity (between birth
and 4 to 5 months old).
The most frequently asked question is, “Can I still start
if my baby is 6 months or older?” The good news is that
if this method resonates with you, if it sounds right for you
and your baby, then yes, it is fine to give it a try (despite
all the scare tactics to the contrary).
Windows of opportunity
for infant potty training
Although the first and most effective window of learning ends
around age 5 to 6 months, other windows of learning open at
different times during a child’s development. For example,
many babies are again ready for toilet learning around the
age of 8 to 12 months, 18 months and/or 24 months. Since each
child is unique, there is no way to know for sure when your
baby will again be receptive to toilet learning, once she is
older than 5 months.
One way to look at IPT is as a sort of insurance policy in that
you know that your baby will gain elimination awareness and control
at or before the age of 24 to 30 months. It is not a contest
to see who can toilet train their baby at the youngest age. Rather,
it is about communication, responsiveness and personal beliefs.
It is a lifestyle choice.
Adapting traditional infant
potty training methods
If your baby is 6 months or older, you’ll need to make
some modifications to the traditional infant potty training (IPT)
method. It is usually (but not always) harder to start with a
mobile baby who has been "trained" to go in a diaper
or who wears disposables and does not associate the feeling of
wetness with elimination.
If you are using disposables, try switching to cloth diapers
at least part-time. With cloth diapers and no plastic cover,
you know immediately when your baby goes. You can thus start
to learn and recognize elimination timing and patterns. At the
same time, you can change your baby as soon as he goes and avoid
teaching him to be comfortable with wetness.
Consider using tiny training pants and then later move onto
regular undies. You can sew your own little shorts and pants,
using sweat pants with an elastic waist as a basic pattern. These
are easy to pull up and down in a hurry. You can use any material
you like, depending on climatic conditions, budget considerations
and other relevant factors.
When possible and convenient, let your baby be diaperless. Although
it is not a requirement of IPT for babies to be bare-bottomed,
it heightens their awareness of elimination and speeds up the
learning process (sometimes dramatically!). They instantly experience
cause and effect. The next-best thing to going diaperless is
wearing training pants or even Chinese open-crotch clothing.
The Chinese clothing has a slit in the back, enabling babies
to squat and go without wetting or soiling themselves.
Try different potty positions until you find one that is comfortable
and convenient for both you and baby. For smaller babies, you
can try some of the in-arms positions that are used to hold infants.
For more independent and mobile babies, in-arms positioning might
not work. Look for a small potty that fits your baby; otherwise,
you can either use a toddler toilet seat on the big toilet or
else sit on the toilet with your child.
Learn your baby’s
patterns
Study your baby’s elimination timing and patterns in relation
to meals and awaking from sleep. For example, most babies need
to go immediately upon waking in the morning and after naps.
Thereafter, they might need to pee every 30 minutes two or three
more times; then the timing may increase to an hour before she
needs to go again. On the other hand, some still pee at 15- to
20-minute intervals for a while.
Study and learn your child’s natural toileting
body language. Each child has her own set of signals. Some
are extremely subtle
and hard to recognize, while others may be blatantly obvious.
Introduce a sound or word that you and your baby associate with
elimination. The “sss” sound is popular in many cultures,
or you may prefer to simply say “pee pee” as your
baby goes or when you think she needs to go. You can use the
same sound (or two different ones) for pee and poo.
Use sign language or any hand signal you like. This is especially
helpful with preverbal babies, as it enables them to communicate
their needs before they can speak.
Time for results?
Do not expect immediate or clear-cut results for several months.
There is no fixed time scale for infant potty training (IPT).
Many parents feel frustrated if their baby doesn’t seem
to care about staying dry, forgetting that they taught their
baby to pee in a diaper in the first place. It takes most babies
considerable time to unlearn this.
Use an open-door policy by letting your baby
accompany you or dad (fathers are especially helpful with boys)
to the toilet.
Let your baby observe you and/or other family member(s) using
the toilet and talk to her about using the potty or the toilet
with a child seat attached. Learning by example and observation
can be helpful for many, but don’t make a big deal out
of it. If your child is curious, she will observe and learn.
Be relaxed, gentle and patient. Accept and enjoy
your child’s
learning pace. Never compare your child’s results with
another in a competitive or judgmental way. Avoid any and all
pressure, anger, punishment and other negative emotions, words,
intonation or actions.
If you feel elimination is "yucky" (a
Western hang-up, in my opinion, stemming from using and having
to change or clean
diapers), strive to get over this feeling. This is where kids
gain control or get stubborn, if they know it bothers you. In
non-Western societies, mothers just smile at accidents and clean
up, with no negative emotional reaction.
Always remember that every child and every family situation
is unique. Use trial and error to find what works for you.
Some parents have no trouble getting their baby
to pee in the potty but reap no results for quite sometime
with pooing in the
potty, or vice versa. Don’t worry! This too shall pass.
Go with the flow of your baby’s natural
learning process. A common scenario is for toddlers to let
you know they peed or
pooed immediately after they have gone in their pants or diaper.
This is all part of the learning process, and your child will
eventually learn to inform you beforehand.
There will be good days and bad days, amazing successes and
the inevitable setbacks. Expect one step back for every three
steps forward. Small children are very busy learning many new
skills and achieving milestones, as well as going through some
occasional discomfort such as when they are teething or ill.
Many things (including travel or guests) can interrupt their
potty learning on a temporary basis, but they will get back on
track if you hang in there.
Expect some resistance and fooling around by
toddlers. For example, when they go through the phase of saying “no” to
everything, their “no” does not always really mean “no.” In
short, if you ask your toddler if he needs to go potty and are
met with a resounding “no,” this response may sometimes
have little to do with your question. This is all part of learning
to read your child and becoming familiar with all forms of communication.
Concerning praise, do whatever feels right, normal and natural
for you and your little one. If you feel like praising your child,
fine. If you don't believe in praise, simply state or explain
what is happening when your baby goes for you.
Siblings can be a great help with IPT. They can
teach by example, inspire, entertain and help in many ways.
Some siblings are better
at “reading” their baby brother or sister than adults.
Many families who learn about this method a little late end up
potty training two children at once -- a baby and a toddler or
even two toddlers. Parents with two small children can use IPT
with both children at once, as long as you are patient; don't
have expectations that could lead to any negative feelings or
reactions; and respect/accept their individual rates of development.
For parents starting with babies who are already walking, any
time your baby goes on the floor (or anywhere else), tell him
matter-of-factly what he did and then tell him that it goes in
the potty. Clean the mess and, together with your toddler, take
it to the potty or toilet. Explain again that it is best for
the pee and poo to go in the potty. Do this each time he has
an accident.
Trust your intuition, listen to the voice within, have faith
in yourself, relax and enjoy.
© Laurie Boucke
Laurie Boucke, Phi Beta Kappa University
of California, is the mother of three sons and has authored eight
books, including three on the topic of this article; Infant
Potty Basics (2003) and Infant
Potty Training (2002) are the most recent. She also works
as a court reporter for the deaf and encourages sign language
as a means of communication.
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