Read about natural parenting tools every family can use
Natural Family and Parenting Community Message boards
Shop for natural family items
Write to us or get writers guidelines
Contact or read about us

 
 
Read about natural parenting tools every family can use
Natural Family Living
Attachment Parenting
Bookshelf
The Bottom Line
Breastfeeding
Education & Learning
Make Today Magical
Pregnancy, Birth & Fertility
Questions & Answers
Resource Guide
Your Family's Health
 
 
Join Our Newsletter
 
Natural Family and Parenting Community Message boards
Discussion Boards
How do you cope when you fall off the wagon into not-so-natural ways? Let’s talk!
 
Shop for natural items every family can use

Product Reviews

Bookshelf

Shopping

 
Write to us or get writers guidelines

Reprint Permissions

Send Us Feedback

 

We're looking for writers! Visit our Writer’s Guidelines for more details.

 
Contact us or read about us

About NFO

Advertise with NFO
Contact NFO
Media Page: See who's talking about NFO.
 
NFO is going to print!
Interested in getting NFO by mail? Send us a YES here. We'll contact you with more information in the future.
 
Visit other BFN sites:
Busy Parents Online
Busy Homeschool
Busy Parents University
Busy Family Network
 
NFO Special Report: THE DEADLY INFLUENCE OF FORMULA IN AMERICA
The report's key finding: Formula DOUBLES THE DEATH RATE for American infants.
 
NFO Special Follow-Up Report:
WHEN IT HAS TO BE FORMULA

Optimizing the Health of Your Formula-Fed Baby.

Join our newsletter for new article updates!

More NFL Articles



Copyright The Baby Photographer

Tools You Can Use:

When Your Parenting Comes Under Fire


By Lisa Poisso


People say the darnedest things sometimes -- and natural parenting practices can be a common target in mainstream America. How do you respond when people question or criticize your parenting? And how can you build bridges with inquisitors, helping them hear and consider new ideas about attachment parenting and natural parenting?

Deirdre Monahan, a cosleeping mother from South Dakota, has tried all sorts of tactics with friends and family members who question her parenting style. “My family of origin has some different ideas about raising children,” she says. “I think I have used everyone of these at some time or another.” Try out some of Deirdre’s gentle (and some not-so-gentle, but still respectful) comebacks, easily adapted to your own particular situation.

How interesting that you find the need to comment on/question us about how our family sleeps.

I would love to have your help folding this laundry.

The family that sleeps together, snores together!

We believe that our family gets to decide for itself how we do things.

Yeah, we still sleep together frequently. Isn't snuggling up as a family the greatest thing in the world? There is nothing sweeter, in my opinion. Don't you just love it, too?

I thought when I had kids that they would probably need me on and off in different ways at different times their whole lives. So her needing me this way, at this time, and my meeting that need -- that's just what parents do, right?

Yeah kids are the greatest, huh?

Can't sleep with 'em, can't sleep without 'em ...

Picking your nose is a habit; snuggling is a pleasure.

What? Baby my baby? No way, wouldn't dream of it! (big grin)

I am hoping that she will indeed develop the "habit" of coming to me to get her needs met. We hope that will be a habit she will continue into her teens, instead of doing drugs or engaging in early sex.

Meeting my children's need for safety and security is a pleasure.

Unless you want to discuss your personal pleasures when it comes to bedtime, I think you should MYOB.

I am uncomfortable talking about how our family sleeps. You have made a big deal of this, have tried to shame us about it and are trying to make her seem abnormal for meeting her natural needs for security. Let's talk about something else.

Why do you feel that this is any of your business?

Why do you want to start this up again?

Even big girls need snuggling. There is nothing wrong with that, is there?

I didn't realize there was a age/weight limit on a child's having her needs met.

So what do you do -- send them back to bed alone when they need you? Really? Oh...hum...Poor kids...

We all are doing the best we can. Being a parent is hard.

Please don't try to shame my child about needing her parents at night. It's inappropriate and hurtful.

Please stop trying to shame me about sleeping with my child. It hurts my feelings and does nothing to change my mind. Our decision is well thought out, well researched and works best for our family.

Thanks for your opinion. Please pass the potatoes.


Copyright The Baby Photographer

Be the change you want to see

How can you get people to listen to and consider attachment parenting ideas? Be the change you want to see in others. Don't create battles. Give people a way in to what they probably see as a radical approach far from the safety net of mainstream approval.

" First you ask, 'What am I here for? To be right? Or to connect with people and get something done?'" says activist Andre Carothers, quoted in an article on communication skills for activism in Utne Reader (March-April 2003). "Once you've established that, take a deep breath and listen really carefully. Put yourself in their shoes, imagine what it's like for them to be with you at this moment.

" After you are sure that they feel heard, deliver your truth in a way that is easy for them to hear. You want to position yourself in a way that moves a person toward you. That is rarely, if ever, a combative position. It's always this welcoming position. So if you can keep yourself in this welcoming posture, you can talk to anyone and have a humane and intelligent conversation rather than an oppositional one. People don't get moved through being persuaded. People get moved through being aligned."

This article originally appeared at Vegetarian Baby and Child Online Magazine.


Lisa Poisso is editor of Natural Family Online. See more about Lisa.

The information appearing at Natural Family Online™ is for educational purposes only and is not intended to serve as a substitute for professional medical advice. Please review the rest of our disclaimer and user agreement.

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Let's Play Yoga - A yoga program for children between the ages of 2 and 6. Teacher training and home-study courses available.
 
Operation Special Delivery offers doula services to military spouses
 
In Association with Amazon.com
 
 
See the monthly adventures of Hathor the Cowgoddess.
 

Join our newsletter

You are a natural parent! Why not parent naturally? Let NFO show you how.

"The media have become the mainstream culture in children's lives. Parents have become the alternative. Americans once expected parents to raise their children in accordance with the dominant cultural messages. Today they are expected to raise their children in opposition to it."
-- Ellen Goodman, Boston Globe columnist

[Home] [Read] [Discuss] [Shop] [Write] [About Us] [Contact Us] [Advertise] [Natural Family Living] [Attachment Parenting] [Family Health]
[Qestions & Answers]
[Pregnancy, Birth & Fertility] [Breastfeeding] [Bookshelf]
[Bottom Line] [Education & Learning] [Family Resources] [Product Reviews]


Natural Family Online™ is intended to provide an open forum for the public exchange of information. Throughout this web site, statements are made pertaining to the properties and functions of foods, supplements, herbs, medicines and other nutritional products as well as to strategies and procedures. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and these materials, products and strategies are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease or condition. Natural Family Online™ and the Busy Family Network™ are not affiliated with any political or religious organization. Natural Family Online™ and the Busy Family Network™ do not endorse the personal opinions of the individual writers presented on this web site. No part of this website may be misconstrued to be medical or legal advice. Please review the rest of our disclaimer and user agreement. This site © 2000-2004 Busy Family Network™ (BFN). All Rights Reserved.  Send mail to with questions or comments about this web site. Graphics by . Web design by Busy Family Network. Hosting by BFN Hosting.