Wha… What’s that crawling into bed with me?! It’s… it’s…!
Oh, it’s just my four year old paying my husband and I yet another nighttime visit.
“I can’t sleep,” he pouts, wearily rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “There’s monsters in there! I sawed them!”
After checking the clock – 3:23am – and realizing I have to work in the morning, I usually pull down the duvet cover and let him hunker down with us. Then the battle for bed space begins. Then the toes and elbows start jabbing into my sides and my face. Then I don’t get any sleep and arrive at work the next morning, drained and dying for a spot of caffeine.
Having to tell your child that they must sleep in their own bed at night is a challenge. Not only is it always an ungodly hour in which they choose visit you so you are only half awake yourself, but the stories that they tell you about not being able to sleep are heart wrenching! Boogie-men, how they’re “freezing”, how they love and miss you ever so much… Many mommies and daddies allow their child to sleep in their bed because they feel it would be cruel and neglectful to leave them alone in that dark, scary room of theirs.
Though to us making a transition from sleeping in a bed with a parent to sleeping in one's own may seem easy, for a little one the idea of doing this can be downright traumatizing. The key here is to make the transition as gradual as you possibly can and the fewer tears the better.
- 1) Set up their own bed in your room
- My son gave me problems when I tried to put him in his own bed from the very beginning of his life, and so I used the same method I used when he was 1 as I did when he was 4 years old. In my husband and my room, I set up a little sleeping area on the floor for him. I would lie on the floor with him until he drifted off into dreamland, give him a kiss and a hug, and then crept into my own bed. He would then wake up in the middle of the night and still see that mommy and daddy were close by. When he tried to scamper back into our bed, I'd gently coerce him to lie down in his own bed and again lay down with him. Eventually he would instantly lie on his own makeshift bed for his naps and bedtime sleep rather than snuggle in with us.
- 2) Explain why he or she needs to be in their bed
- It is important that, when you are making any changes, to explain in their language why they need to stay in their own bed. Tell your child that you need a good night's rest, and that they are interrupting that. Having them interrupt your sleep makes you feel bad the next morning, and they'd feel happier if they got a good night's rest too!
- 3) Reward, reward, reward!
- Even if it is just a verbal reward in the morning, such as "I'm so proud of you!" or "You made me very happy last night by staying in your own bed!" your child will feel as if he or she has accomplished something great (which they have!). You can also make a "sticker board" where they earn a sticker each night they stay in their bed. Once they collect a certain amount of stickers, they can perhaps receive a special toy or go on a special outing in return (I found that this worked particularly well with my son).
It is important for you to remember that every child develops at a different rate. Some children will be out of your bed and sleeping through the night on day 2; some may take weeks to make the adjustment. Be patient, offer lots of hugs and kisses, but stick to the plan. Consistency is key.
