Is Your Child Pushing Your Buttons?

Are there days when you wonder how a three year old can be the source of such frustration, even anger? How can she know what actions trigger your strongest emotions?

Don't under estimate kids' powers of observations. They spend most of their waking hours with you. It's no wonder they have figured out what works and doesn't work when they want to get their way. It's called “pushing your buttons”. (Just mention the phrase to any parent and be prepared for a litany of their own child's worst behavior.) Unfortunately these scenes usually wind up as a power struggle between parent and child. If you're not properly armed, you stand a good chance of loosing the battle.

Maintain control

Your best defense is to keep control of your anger. After all, your child is younger, and maybe even stronger: her only chance of winning is through endurance. If you stay calm, the odds quickly turn in your favor. Keep reminding yourself that this behavior is a normal part of growing up, and not your child's personal mission to ruin your life.

Have a plan

Think before you speak. Or in other words, plan your attack. If your child is crying about something you won't buy for her at the grocery store, tell her the next time she asks, you will leave the store. But don't make threats you can't or don't intend to keep.

Give yourself a time out

If you are at risk of losing your temper, give yourself a time out. Send your child to her room, or some other safe place. But promise to return to the subject when you have had time to think it through. Give yourself a break, then sit down and talk with your child about her child's behavior and issue any restrictions or consequences.

Straight talk

Even with the best planning, there will be times when you lose your temper. When that happens, talk to your child about your actions and hers. Don't appear to be excusing yourself for behavior that you wouldn't excuse in her. Explain to her how you plan to act the next time the same situation occurs.

Understand that all of the planning in the world probably won't eliminate the ability your child has to push your buttons. Gradually, as your child sees that her efforts are not getting the desired effect, she'll try less often.

photo by Eric Bernard