Deck the halls with boughs of brag

I haven’t sent holiday cards in three years. I use to love creating holiday cards. One time I drew a Christmas tree on each card, just the outline, and used my children’s toe prints to create the ornaments. This year, I’m in a financial position to send cards and I also have some things to communicate. There have been some big changes this year.

I’m considering the en masse, all purpose, “to my dear friends” type letter. It seems like the perfect time for a generalized missive. In considering this option, I’m paying attention to the letters I’ve been getting and, unfortunately they annoy me.

They are impersonal. Accept it. What I can’t stomach though is all the braggy brag that goes on. “Our son was accepted into the Global Leadership program for bilingual children with a political interest, and after graduating from first grade this year, he will embark on the program in Spain.” Or the most disgusting, “Our daughter has mastered the moguls and won her first competition. Dad doesn’t understand why this second home in Aspen which was suppose to give HIM the opportunity to ski is instead making Olympic hopefuls out of his children. (Darn that work!)” Seriously, this was in a letter I received today.

My letter would read something like this: “Dear friends, what a year! I’ve begun a new life as a single mom, and while it’s proved challenging, I’d rather do this than have that narcissistic sociopath in our lives for one more day. I finally got a job after eight months of pounding pavement. I’m back with my old employer, something I never envisioned myself doing, but realize now how important stability, a paycheck and benefits really are. Big adventure and risk taking are overrated. My oldest son is gaining in confidence although his daydreaming is reflected in his poor grades. My number two son, who you may recall is slightly autistic, is doing well with all his support systems and may master reading during this his second grade year. We’ve tackled many of his food sensitivities and his nose stopped running after three years! Who knows how number three son is, I haven’t had time to look at him. That’s right dear friends, I’m now solidly on the road to mediocrity and couldn’t be happier!!”