Why a Support Network is Vital – And How to Find One
By Susie Cortright
One summer day, my car sputtered
and rolled to a stop with my 6-month-old and I inside. So I moved
it to the shoulder, called a tow truck and began to walk. That
was the day I pushed my daughter in a rickety second-hand stroller
nine miles to my mother’s support group. I hadn't packed
a lunch and the trail snaked deep through an alpine forest, far
from any McDonald's, so I raided my child’s bag of Cheerios
and graham crackers along the way.
When I finally arrived, we traded
stories about the barbs we would endure to come together each
week.
No mom is an island
In our culture, moms often feel we have everything we need right
in our homes. But less industrialized countries -- where moms
spend more time with other moms -- report far fewer cases of postpartum
depression. In fact, researchers say women with support networks
are at a lower risk for minor ailments such as colds as well as
more serious conditions such as heart disease.
A support network of other mothers
provides a forum for us to compare notes, share ideas and vent
frustrations. Monica Jones is a stay-at-home mother of two. She
says, "Talking to others in similar situations helped me
to realize it’s okay to feel frazzled, and I shouldn’t
feel guilty for needing time for myself."
The moms in your group could become
your best friends throughout your child’s life. The group
also allows your children to socialize if they are not accustomed
to group settings such as day care.
Some groups may allow you to keep
your professional skills sharp, as well, or to serve the community
through volunteer work.
Find an existing group
Check out local bulletin boards and newspapers for local groups,
or contact national organizations that may have local chapters
in your area. Your local librarian, pediatrician or social services
office may know about an existing group of moms with children
in similar age ranges.
Silvia Brugge is a stay-at-home
mother of three. She relies on the support of a diverse network
of friends. "I think it’s important to surround yourself
with people who have kids around the same age as your own,"
she says. "I also think it’s important to be with other
friends whose children are older. I’ve learned so much from
my more experienced friends.”
Form a new group
If a suitable group doesn't exist in your area, consider starting
one of your own. Place an ad in your local newspaper describing
yourself as a mother of young children looking to start a playgroup
or mom's support group. Once you have more than one recruit, it
becomes easier. Word of mouth travels fast, and there may be more
home-based moms in your area than you realize.
The best places to find people
like you are the places you already frequent. Post notices in
your church or synagogue, grocery store and post office.
Most groups meet once each week
for two to three hours. If each mother is a regular, you might
want to keep your group at four to five moms. Limiting the number
of moms can help assure that you know them and their parenting
styles. If one mother has an especially divergent parenting philosophy,
she may not be a good match for your group.
Look into securing a public meeting
spaces or simply rotate hosting duties, each week meeting in another
member’s home.
Enjoy your new friendships, which
can help you more fully enjoy motherhood.
© Susie Cortright
Susie Cortright publishes
Momscape.com,
a website devoted to helping busy women find balance. The site
features resources for conscious living and soul-based parenting,
including Susie's popular "Soul Snacks": creative ways
we can nurture ourselves -- and others -- in 15 minutes or less.
Susie is also the author of More
Energy for Moms, a mind-body-soul fitness book, program
and community, and Rekindling
Your Romance After Kids. Susie lives in Breckenridge,
Colorado, with her husband and three young children.
