Attachment Parenting:
Is It For You?
By Pamela Kock
Is it possible
to breastfeed your baby without practicing the art of attachment
parenting? Sure, but once that tiny mouth makes contact, you may
not want to. Attachment parenting (AP) encourages and honors the
special bond between parent and child. What is AP, and why should
parents follow its guidelines?
|
Several
styles of slings to choose
from at the Balter
Catalogue Company - Natural Family Online's premier
shopping partner. Living is only natural; let us help
you live it more naturally! |
|
|
Attachment parenting
is a concept that is often controversial, but it shouldn't be.
The basic premise is that you can't "spoil" a baby by
holding him too much, carrying him, feeding him on demand, or
with any other form of contact. Babies ask for what they need,
not just what they want; at this stage, a baby's wants and needs
are one and the same. It's true that a baby who is denied attention
when he cries will cry less often -- but what is he really learning?
He is not learning to "behave"; he is learning that
he can't count on having his needs met when he asks. Attachment
parenting builds trust.
Here are
some basic guidelines for beginning as an attached parent:
1. Breastfeed on
demand, not according to a schedule, and practice child-led weaning.
2. Practice "night-time parenting" -- sleep with the
baby, or at least place the crib in your bedroom. Comfort the
baby till he falls asleep rather than forcing him to do it on
his own.
3. Practice "baby-wearing" -- use slings and carriers
to hold the baby close during your daily activities.
4. Respond to the baby's cries immediately, and make every effort
to meet his needs.
5. Respect your baby's intuitive skill to know what he needs --
they're smarter than you think!
Following a feeding
schedule can be the quickest way to sabotage a breastfeeding relationship.
There will be days during which the baby's demands to nurse seem
endless, but it happens for a reason. Let the baby be your guide
-- with a few exceptions, healthy babies know when they need to
nurse. During a period of rapid growth, he'll need more milk,
and frequent nursing will increase the supply. It's also possible
that the baby simply needs extra comfort, and this shouldn't be
denied. Breastfed babies cannot be "overfed"; the milk
supply adjusts to meet their requirements. Likewise, don't stop
a nursing session because "time's up." The composition
of breast milk changes throughout the nursing session, and the
baby will be satisfied when he's received enough of the extra-fatty
milk that appears later in the feeding; this extra fat is required
for proper growth.
Practice child-led
weaning. There is no pre-determined, one-size-fits-all age when
a baby is ready to stop breastfeeding. The American Academy of
Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for at least the first twelve
months, and as long thereafter as mutually desired. Nursing till
a baby's second birthday is quite common. Nursing till the third
birthday is certainly not unheard of. Does this seem inconceivable?
Most toddlers only nurse one or two times a day, but still benefit
from the additional nutrition and comfort. Since many toddlers
are picky eaters, the small amount of breast milk they may receive
can act as an insurance policy to prevent malnutrition. And at
a time when they're being exposed to other kids and communicable
diseases, the immunity boost may keep them healthier than they
would be otherwise. How can you tell when your child is ready
to wean? Watch his reaction when you say no. Does he throw a fit
in outright panic? Or is his response something like "well,
that's a bummer?" Do it gradually, and expect regression
during times of illness or stress.
Getting baby to
sleep at night or during naps is often a hot topic. Popular advice
to let the baby "cry it out" or otherwise "teach"
them to fall asleep on their own usually goes against a parent's
natural impulses, for good reason! This method may work, or it
may not, depending on how insistent your baby is on having his
legitimate needs met. After several evenings of frazzled nerves,
you'll be rewarded with a quiet, cooperative baby -- but at what
cost? He's just learned that if he cries for help, you won't come.
When he goes to bed without a fuss, it's a sign he's given up.
This is an empty victory. A far better option is to encourage
a night-time routine, and teach your child what to expect after
bath, story, and some time in the rocking chair. He'll still learn
to go to bed at night. It may take extra time to get him to bed,
but the time you spend with the baby can be a very special time.
Why would anyone want to miss that opportunity?
Will the baby learn
to go to sleep on his own, someday, if you're always there to
rock him or let him sleep with you? Yes, when he's ready. He may
not be ready for a while. He may not be ready for five years,
or he may be ready as soon as he weans. The key is to be flexible
and compassionate. Your child may fall asleep on his own every
day for a month, but then one day may need extra help. Or he may
sneak into your bed in the middle of the night, and demand to
co-sleep during a thunderstorm. Don't worry about it. Most parents
do this anyway, even if they claim otherwise.
"Baby-wearing"
-- a hip term for carrying the baby in a sling or "snuggly"
-- is not for everyone, though it should at least be attempted.
There are some beautifully designed slings and carriers on the
market that make it easy to take the baby on outings, comfort
him during ordinary household routines, and nurse discreetly.
Slings and carriers solve many problems for some parents. A comfortable,
happy baby is a quiet one, and an unobtrusive one in many settings;
if you don't mind carrying the extra weight, slings can solve
the problem of getting the housework done with a demanding infant.
Even if you don't enjoy the baby's presence in a sling while you're
doing the housework, carriers can be a much better option than
strollers and prams while out and about. The baby gets a better
view, extra comfort, and good support for his developing body.
It shouldn't be only an experience for mothers, of course. Fathers
can use baby carriers, too, and the baby will benefit from the
variety and additional bonding opportunity.
What do you do
when the baby cries? Pick him up, of course, and figure out what
he needs. This sounds obvious, but many parents opt to let the
baby lie there and fuss for fear of "spoiling" him.
Crying is the only way that an infant has to communicate a need.
For a baby, a "need" and a "want" are the
same thing. You may hear advice to let the baby cry, that he's
"manipulating" you. Wrapping you around his little finger,
he is. Why shouldn't he? His crying and his engaging behavior
are instinctive ways to gain your love, and your reaction teaches
him how to love you back.
Attachment parenting,
though it has some very passionate proponents, is not a religion.
You can pick and choose the parts that fit your preferences and
lifestyle, adjusting the method to your comfort level -- as long
as the main concept is adhered to. For example, you may not be
willing to carry the baby everywhere in a sling, or co-sleep with
the baby. But if you respond to the baby's cries immediately,
hold the baby whenever he needs soothing, and follow most of the
other guidelines, you're still an attached parent, and both parent
and baby will reap the rewards.
Pamela
Kock is a freelance writer, mother of two, and editor of IndoorJungle.net,
the Indoor Gardener's Web-zine.
