Create a Peaceful Home Sanctuary
By Caron Goode
The holiday season is a busy time
for all family members. As you think about decorating your house
this year, consider creating a peace sanctuary, a place where
we remember to de-stress, talk with reach other and remember those
who may not be with us.
A safe haven
We must find a way to create a place that is comfortable and peaceful
where we can relax. We need to make a peaceful place in our lives
and the lives of our children where everyone can feel calm and
connected. Our homes can be that place -- a haven of peace for
our families. It is the attitude and the conscious choices the
members of a family bring to a home that actively make it peaceful.
In this article you will discover
some easy-to-do activities to make your home a haven and a place
of peace -- all without spending any money or creating more stress
in your already hectic life.
Take stock. Take
a look around you. What is it about your home that makes you feel
happy and peaceful, and what is it that makes you feel stressed?
Make a mental checklist or write down what is not working in your
home. These can be items you can see like dirty towels, old newspapers
and closed curtains. Also include less concrete ideas, such as
feeling no one is home at the same time or that the family doesn’t
have a meal together.
Next, consider the positives that
you see (nice, relaxing colors in the living room, lots of plants,
great games and toys) and things you feel (family projects make
it easy for us to all get together, reading the kids a bedtime
story seems to relax them). Now that you have taken stock of the
current situation in your home, decide what kinds of changes create
a feeling of more peace and relaxation. You are ready to make
your home a haven.
Talk about it.
There isn't a perfect way to make your home more peaceful. Like
anything else, you might experiment first. Discuss the idea of
making your home a haven with your spouse and your kids. Talk
with them about what stresses them at home and what makes them
feel comfortable. Listen to their concerns and list what they
appreciate.
Have everyone make a list of pros
and cons and talk about what is practical. It might not be sensible
to agree with your children that they should no longer have to
do homework because they say it is stressing them out. However,
it might be possible for them to take more breaks while they work
or begin their homework after a short break. Children need to
come back from their day and unwind as much as parents do.
Get creative.
Getting creative might be a change in attitude, or it could be
an idea to do something different. One mother decided to say "yes"
to her children's requests at least twice a day. She told me that
she had begun, through habit of her own stress, to always say
no to everything. She feels that her more relaxed attitude is
helping her children to relax, too.
Another family created a weekly pizza and games night. Interestingly,
this idea wasn't the brainchild of the adults in the family, but
of a 10-year-old girl who told her parents she felt like she needed
to have more fun with them.
Changing the patterns of stress
and replacing them with new patterns that make people feel more
peaceful doesn't have to be complicated. It can and should be
simple and fun.
Try something new.
Less-than-healthy family routines are the culprits of discomfort
and stress for family members at home. Maybe the routine is to
always have a fast-food dinner and sit in front of the television
at night. Often, routines like this get started because of the
incredible over-scheduling and exhaustion that plague many families.
One solution that works is to re-examine
schedules and decide practically if your family is over-booked.
Many times children are the most overscheduled. Perhaps it isn't
necessary to play three sports or join so many clubs. Consider
allowing children one or two unscheduled evenings a week to do
the almost unimaginable: hang out. That goes for parents, too.
Does everyone have to work late? Sometimes pulling back a little
from the normal routine is a great stress reducer.
Let everyone contribute.
An important idea behind making your home a haven is to let everyone
in your family have a voice. Remember that each person has his
or her own idea of what a peaceful place looks like. A 3-year-old
might want to have more time to watch Barney tapes, a 10-year-old
might want to have special time to make cookies with Mom, and
a 16-year-old might want more trust. You might need more alone
time, and your spouse might want the family to get away to camp
more often. Consider everyone's opinions when deciding what works
for your family. When everyone has a voice, there is more commitment
to see this through and stay with positive changes.
Create rituals.
Rituals we can count on bring us joy and a sense of family unity.
Most of us have some holiday rituals, but sometimes adding one
or two new rituals make being a part of a family important and
special. When you think about your own childhood, what are rituals
you remember? Why not think of something new to increase your
family's sense of unity and togetherness? Consider some of the
following ideas:
• Share good news. Have
everyone tell a bit of good news to the rest of the family every
night.
• Share the love. Make valentines for each family member
and have a valentine exchange. (This can happen once a month,
not just on Valentine's Day.)
• Share yourselves. Work together to help someone disadvantaged
adopt a needy family, or contribute time monthly at a homeless
shelter.
• Share your ideas. Let everyone pick an obscure holiday
and decide how the family will celebrate together.
• Share time together. Carve out special time for each
child and do something together that you both enjoy. Use this
time to focus on your child and hear what he or she is thinking.
• Share your spirit. Pray as a family or share good thoughts
about one another around the table nightly.
Save your memories.
Don't overlook the idea that it is fun and loving to remember
and store good memories. As you begin some new peace rituals in
your family, take a few pictures or make a video recording of
everyone's good thoughts about each other. Document the love in
your family and then every once in a while get together and look
at it. Relive the good times you have created. Doing this creates
another loving moment that comes from the continuity of acknowledging
your shared love.
Leave a legacy of peace.
Finally, making your home a haven of peace will do more than improve
your daily lives; it will forever change the way your children
see the world and understand and model the idea of family. You
can build connectedness in your family and a feeling of safety
and safe haven just by paying attention to it. All you are doing
is making a conscious effort to celebrate and explore the love
you already share for the people you call your family.
© Caron Goode
NFO Attachment Parenting Editor
Caron Goode, Ed.D., has written six books on child development,
two monographs and co-authored two additional books. Her articles
have appeared in more than 200 national newspapers and more than
two dozen websites. She and her husband, Tom Goode, ND, direct
Inspired
Parenting and Inspired Living International in Tucson, Arizona,
offering offer parent education workshops, Full Wave Breathing™
and Mindbody Talk™ wellness workshops.
