Teaching
our Children: Show Me the Way
By Mark Brandenburg
My intentions were really quite
noble. It was the aftermath of the holidays. It seemed as though
my kids had enough new toys and "things" to fill a large
building. As a responsible father, it was becoming clear to me
that the true meaning of the holidays was being lost beneath an
avalanche of gifts, materialism and greed.
I came to the conclusion that something
must be done. My children would learn the important values of
giving and generosity by actually doing it. I decided that my
kids would round up all of their old and "not much used"
toys and we would take them down to the local Goodwill.
How could we lose here? We would
feel the wonderful feelings that giving to others creates in us,
and children with fewer material goods than ours would benefit
from receiving these great gifts.
Do as I say …
I approached my seven-year-old daughter with my decision. "No!"
she shrieked. "I don't want to give away my stuff!"
This response was surprising coming
from my daughter, who is so often generous with her belongings.
It appeared that she just needed a rational explanation concerning
the reasons she would do such a thing. As I unsuccessfully attempted
to have her "see the light" around this issue, her gaze
locked onto me in a tight hold.
"What are you giving up?"
she asked.
… not as I do!
The sensation I was most aware of was the burning feeling in my
face and the back of my neck -- the kind of feeling you get when
you're embarrassed and uncomfortable and there's no escaping.
For quite a long time, no words came to me.
"You have a good point, honey,
let's give this a little thought," I heard myself say.
My daughter went away feeling she'd
been heard (and, I suspect, victorious), while I needed some time
to gather my thoughts. The realization that I'd not been active
lately in charitable giving to others was difficult enough to
swallow. The tough part was that my daughter had exposed my ego,
which I had disguised as nobility.
Not only had I expected my seven-year-old
to have a social conscience, I had forgotten the best way to teach
my children. I'd forgotten how to show them the way.
Thank goodness my daughter was
there to remind me.
Mark Brandenburg,
MA, CPCC, CSC, is an author, speaker and certified relationship
coach. He has worked with individuals, teams and families to improve
their lives for more than 20 years.
He is the author of a number of books for men, including 25
Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers. Mark
coaches parents from around the country through weekly telephone
coaching sessions on balancing their lives and improving their
parenting. He runs workshops and gives presentations for fathers
and for parents that are enthusiastically received, as well as
teleclasses for parents at MarkBrandenburg.com.
