Get
Your Toddler to Cooperate!
By Elizabeth Pantley
Preschoolers require more finesse
to gain their cooperation because they have not yet reached the
age at which they can see and understand the whole picture. Robert
Scotellaro is quoted in The Funny Side of Parenthood as saying,
“Reasoning with a two-year-old is about as productive as
changing seats on the Titanic.” (He must have had a two-year-old
at the time.)
You can get around this frustrating
state of affairs by changing your approach. Let’s look at
two situations – first, the typical (Titanic) way:
Parent: David!
Time to change your diaper.
David: No! (as he runs off)
Parent: Come on, honey … It’s time
to leave. I need to change you.
David: (giggles and hides behind sofa)
Parent: David, this isn’t funny. It’s
getting late. Come here.
David: (doesn’t hear a word; sits down
to do a puzzle)
Parent: Come here! (gets up and approaches David)
David: (giggles and runs)
Parent: (picking up David) Now lie here. Stop
squirming! Lie still. Will you stop this?!
(As parent turns to pick up a new diaper, a little bare bottom
is seen running away.)
I’m sure you’ve all
been there.
By the way, David is my son. Like
you, I got very tired of this. And then I discovered a better
way.
Parent: (picking
up diaper and holding it like a puppet, making it talk in a silly,
squeaky voice) Hi David! I’m Dilly Diaper! Come here and
play with me!
David: (running over to Diaper) Hi, Dilly!
Parent as Diaper: You’re such a nice boy.
Will you give me a kiss?
David: Yes. (gives diaper a kiss)
Parent as Diaper: How ‘bout a nice hug?
David: (giggles and hugs diaper)
Parent as Diaper: Lie right here next to me.
Right here. Yup. Can I go on you? Oh, yes?! Goody goody goody!
(The diaper continues to chat with David while he’s being
changed. Then it says, “Oh, David! Listen, I hear your shoes
calling you – ‘David! David!’”)
How long can you get away
with this?
The most amazing thing about this trick is that it works over
and over and over and over. You’ll keep thinking, “He’s
not honestly going to fall for this again?” But he will!
Probably the nicest by-product of this method is that it gets
you in a good mood and you have a little fun time with your child.
When you’ve got a toddler,
this technique is a pure lifesaver. When my son David was little,
I used this all the time. I now use it with my youngest child
Coleton, who just turned two. One day when David was almost three,
we were waiting in a long line at the grocery store and I was
making my hand talk to him. He was hugging my hand when he looked
up at me and said, “Mommy, I love for you to pretend this
hand is talking.”
Another day, after I had called
David to the table for dinner a number of times, he calmly looked
up at me, chubby hands on padded hips and said, “Mommy,
why don’t you have my dinner call to me?” And suddenly,
the peas on his plate came to life and called out to David; he
ran over to join us at the dinner table.
Variation with imagination
A variation on this technique that also works very well is to
capitalize on your young child’s vivid imagination as a
way to thwart negative emotions. Pretend to find a trail of caterpillars
on the way to the store, hop to the car like a bunny or pretend
a carrot gives you magic powers as you eat it.
It’s delightful to see how
a potentially negative situation can be turned into a fun experience
by changing a child’s focus to fantasy.
Excerpted with permission by
New Harbinger Publications, Inc. from Kid Cooperation: How
to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate
by Elizabeth Pantley.
Parenting educator
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of numerous parenting books, including
the widely cited The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to
Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night. Buy her books at
Powells.com.
She is a regular radio show
guest and is quoted frequently on the web and in national family
and women’s publications. Elizabeth lives in Washington
state with her husband, their four children and her mother. Visit
her at www.pantley.com/elizabeth.
