Five Simple Ways to Include Your Partner in Your Pregnancy
By Patricia Newton
It’s no secret that pregnancy can wreck havoc to the emotional and physical well-being of any confident, healthy woman. But what about your partner?
Many times too much pressure is put on spouses and partners, and we expect them to be someone they just can’t be. Your partner should be able to be involved during pregnancy and labor in a way that feels comfortable to him or her. In trying to find out just what that might mean for your partner, consider the following suggestions.
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Inform your partner about how you physically feel. This doesn’t mean you have to dwell on the fact that your heartburn is so bad you have to sleep sitting straight up every night or that your swollen feet are completely unrecognizable by the end of the day. But your partner does have a major concern for your health and for the baby you’re carrying. When he asks you how you feel, tell him honestly. Sometimes it’s easier to share your anecdotes with other women who can relate to what you’re going through. Girl talk can be helpful, but don’t let your partner feel rejected by keeping your physical complaints from him.
Share your emotions. Each of you needs to know how the other feels about how your life together is changing. Is either of you concerned about how childbirth might change your sex life or what financial strains you might be under in the future? Now is the time to be open with each other. Go away for a quiet, reflective weekend together. If that isn’t possible, have your meaningful weekend at home. Unplug the phone, close your curtains and don’t answer the door. Take the time to get real with each other before baby comes along.
Talk about labor. What do the two of you think labor will be like? How would you like your partner to help you during labor? Share your thoughts with him. What does he think he will feel comfortable doing during labor? Will he be the physically supportive type, or would he rather sit quietly on the sidelines and have someone else (such as a doula) take on a more active role? Does he already know he doesn’t want to see the actual birth, but would rather be by your head and greet the baby with you? There are no right or wrong answers. Take some time now to discuss these matters and plan accordingly. By accepting your partner for who he or she is, you will help a big part of labor be more pleasant for everyone involved.
Give him the facts. Encourage your partner to attend your prenatal appointments with you and to ask any questions he might have. If he is unable or not interested in accompanying you to your doctor or midwife’s office, it’s not the end of the world. Just be sure to summarize each visit for him afterwards. Granted, not much happens at many of the routine appointments, but just by letting him know your blood pressure and weight gain, he will feel included. Do some research to find what types of childbirth preparation classes are offered in your area. Tell him that such classes are much more than lying on the floor, breathing in front of strangers. Find one the two of you would enjoy attending together so that you both can be better informed on the many birthing options you have available to you.
Devise a plan for labor. Once the two of you have learned in your childbirth preparation class all of the benefits and risks of many common interventions and procedures, the two of you need to discuss which options sound good to you. What procedures do you strongly want to avoid? Which ones would you be in favor of? Your partner needs to know where you stand on these issues because once you are in the throes of labor, he might very well become your spokesperson. Consider writing a birth plan together. Seeing your wishes clearly written in black and white could be beneficial to both of you, especially if labor ends up being not at all like you expected it to be.
Pregnancy can be an emotional nightmare, or it can be an enlightening era of self-discovery. There’s no better time to open those lines of communication than during pregnancy. Once the difficulties of parenting begin, you’ll be glad you did.
© Patricia Newton
A busy homeschooling mom of three, Patricia Newton has a passion for helping childbearing women and their families. She is the founder of a national program for military families, Operation Special Delivery, and the owner of Proud Pregnancies, and provides doula services as well as childbirth and breastfeeding education in southern New Jersey.
